News: Gosen Joins The Fray!

Nintendo's failure of a PR executive has agreed to lend his 'talents' to a European exclusive feature of Super Smash Bros. Brawl!

Super Smash Bros. Brawl has suffered from so many delays in Europe that Nintendo have decided to settle for the rather vague release date of 2008. David Gosen was usually the man to blame for such hinderances during his reign of terror as the managing director at Nintendo of Europe. Though he recently joined the ranks of Microsoft, a trusted source has just provided us with evidence of his return to Nintendo... as a playable character in Smash Bros. Brawl.

Our source writes that Microsoft and Mr. Gosen were more than happy to see the fearsome mechanical overlord join the ranks of respected Nintendo characters, such as Mario, Link and Samus. NGamer Magazine (formerly NGC) were also asked to plan a robotic moveset for Gosen, which derives from the various insults thrown at the marketing failure by the magazine a few years back (he was referred to as GO-SEN, an emotionless, homicidal PR robot with laser beams for eyes).

David "GO-SEN" Gosen returns to Nintendo once again to be pulverised by loyal fans who had to put up with him all those years ago.

The leaked Smash Bros. Dojo update sees the game's producer, Masihiro Sakurai, hilariously describe Gosen as a 'traitor' who joins the fight for the pure purpose of getting the crap kicked out of him. In this update, Gosen's side-splitting cybernetic move-set is detailed.

His standard special move is Robo Beam, which sees laser beams shooting out of Gosen's eyes and into his petrified victims, in a slightly weaker yet swifter take on R.O.B's own Robo Beam. His up special, Robo Burner, heats up his usually cold and unforgiving outer shell and forces Gosen upwards, incinerating the poor sap who dares to stand in his way.

Gosen's side and down specials make use of his mechanical movements and agility, with Rotor Arm acting like a longer-ranged version of Kirby's hammer, and the Gyro attack seeing Gosen flipping onto his head and spinning his electrified legs around in a circle.

After receiving the tip-off from our source, we contacted Mr. Gosen for a statement, who promptly replied: "No comment."

With the Dojo updates expected to end this week, this would be the perfect send-off for all the patient European and Australian fans of the Smash Bros. series.

We're not sure about you, but this more than makes up for the tediously long delay of Brawl in Europe. Stick with us for the latest on David Gosen and any other exclusive developments!


We know we had so many of you going there, but all good things must come to an end, and we must confess that this was indeed an April Fool's Day gag. Don't feel too bad, as you can check out this video of Duke Nukem Forever on the recently announced Wii 2 to cheer yourselves up.

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